One Week

Here is the transcript of Obama's "Closing Argument" given in Ohio yesterday. It has links to CNN's 'fact check' for statements he makes about himself and McCain.

The greatest part is towards the end. His rhetoric is amazing. I got shivers reading it. I am giddy with anticipation for this election. A year ago, I discussed with my friends whether we would have to move out of the US in our lifetime. I believed that within the next few decades our country would fall like so many empires before. I even felt that humanities end may be a mere generation away. Bleak, I know. I though Obama's run was premature and the American people wouldn't support someone so ready to change things for the better. I was wrong. Obama has made history in so many ways and now sits on the precipice of victory. I consider myself proud to even see this time in American and world history, and despite the troubles we face from all fronts, not just as Americans, but as humans, I feel that Obama and America have what it takes to face these obstacles. I think we can reclaim our country and our ideals. We can once again be proud to be Americans. We can stand together and fix this country and this planet.

To all of my friends and family, on November 4th, I ask you to not just make the choice that is best for you, but the choice that is best for all of us.

John McCain Forgets Medication; Confuses World Series with Presidential Election

Do you ever read something so stupid that you wish you had the ability to walk right up to the person who said it and sock them in the kisser.

Well read this little doosie ol' Pappy McCain spewed out of his muck hole:

Here's a good quote:

"Now, I'm not dumb enough to get mixed up in a World Series between swing states.

"But I think I may have detected a little pattern with Senator Obama. It's pretty simple really. When he's campaigning in Philadelphia, he roots for the Phillies, and when he's campaigning in Tampa Bay, he 'shows love' to the Rays. "

So, there are two things the irk me about this:

1. Who the fuck cares?!?!?! It's fucking baseball teams. He can like whoever he wants. You're in the middle of a goddamn election! Scratch that. The end of a goddamn election! Act like it.

2. What I gather from Dum Dum's comment is that Obama roots for all Americans and is not divided by petty, meaningless affiliations. Um, good.

Update: Jon Stewart copies me in the past.

(fast forward to 2 minutes in)

Failed Comedy Family Guy Retools Persona, Produces Non-fiction

Huffington Hates On Mac

We love on Huffington.

I've appropriated several stories on the McCain-Palin Tradition from The Huffington Post:

Menachem Rosensaft details the difference between Obama's pals and McCain's.

So Obama surrounds himself with senators, billionaires, and the former Secretary of the State. While McCain rubs elbows with bank de-regulators and lobbyists. A bunch of lobbyists. And don't forget about G. Gordon Liddy, Sarah Palin, and...uh, fuck, what was his name? Oh yeah! Current President, movie star and Chief White House Stand-up Comedian George W"hoops" Bush. Plus, there's this douche:



Who dat? Oh, that's just Rick Davis, McCain's campaign manager. And apparently, he doesn't think too much of Colin Powell's judgment.

Now, to be fair, he did say about former Secretary of the State: "He is a great American and served this country with great distinction. What his views are on the political scene are completely up to him." But to also be fair, he said this too: Look, I doubt if Colin Powell is equipped to do a whole lot of political prognostication."

Parents upset their kids are being McCain Rolled.

Rick Astley hasn't been funny since before some guy took a break from WoW and decided to invent Rick Rolling. But Robo-McCains leaving illicit messages about terrorists from 40 years ago in a desperate plea to prevent himself from losing by as big of a landslide as he is going to lose by is still funny.

Palin tells The Brody File she suffers from acute hearing loss.

Palin doesn't remember hearing anti-Obama remarks at rallies? I guess this was Tina Fey at the podium then:



Help me scour the net for the few shards of decent journalism remaining. Post your favorite McCain-Palin Tradition stories. Together, we can bring up the news-media's hit count.

Mission Accomplished

America Day in Iraq.

Now that's how you greet your liberators! Will somebody please tell those Iraqis that the surge is working.

The Angry American or "The Rest Of Us"

This article is nothing shy of absurd. Rather, the sentiments of Rep. Bachmann are absurd. The fact that she is even suggesting enacting something similar to the House Un-American Activities Committee should have her thrown out of office. Joseph McCarthy was one of the worst things to ever happen to this country and may be solely responsible for the fascist nature of our country over the past half-century. But there's something that infuriates me even more than that. It's her comments and feelings, as well as those of Sarah Palin's mentioned at the end of the article, and those held by a majority of the Republican party and their constituents:

This moronic idea that small-town, middle American, blue collar, Christian, white, good ol' boys are the heart and soul of this country.



I've had enough. I am a goddamn Patriot and a goddamn American and I'm sick of people like this pretending they are the only ones who care about this country. It's even more frustrating considering they're the ones single-handedly destroying the fabric of this country.

So to all these neo-conservative, heartland fucks in political office in this country (who of course will never read this) who think they are better than the majority of America, I say fuck you.

Contrary to popular belief, the people who care about this country and want to see it prosper are not all like you. We don't all live in the midwest. There are other parts of the country you know. And this idiotic notion of blue collar supremacy is ridiculous. Do you even know anyone that has a blue collar job? I'm offended that if you work in a place with air conditioning you are not worthy of acceptance into the American brotherhood. The majority of jobs in this country are considered white collar. As for small-towns, I'll be goddamned if this country is going to take on those "values." I was born in a small town (and I can breathe in a small town) and it was full of rednecks. And rednecks are the absolute scum of the earth. Not all of us are Christian, not all of us are white, not all of us are straight.



We are at the dawn of a new period in American history. We are about to elect the first black president, and put an end to the disgusting era we have writhed in for the past eight years. And it will be glorious.

In other news, this entire idea of the Heartland is bunk. During the mid-80s, there was a surge of popularity for a genre of music called Heartland Rock. There were 4 members of the genre, and 3 of them (Bruce Springsteen, Tom Petty [& The Heartbreakers], and John Mellencamp né Cougar) are all outspoken liberals. John Mellencamp even thinks Obama isn't liberal enough. So kiss your magical all-white, all-Christian, huntin' and fishin' and steel mill workin', Chevy truck drivin' vision of America goodbye. It doesn't exist.



A lot of people have been getting upset that people criticize Sarah Palin. They feel that she represents them and are tired of most Americans looking down their noses at people like them. Well, fuck you. Only a complete and absolute moron would have the slightest inkling of interest in Sarah Palin running for office. You should have your right to vote removed if you think she deserves to be Vice President, and let's face it, possibly President of the United States. I dare you, I dare anyone who knows anyone who thinks Sarah Palin is competent to tell me why. And for that matter, anyone who is voting for McCain to tell me how you can turn a blind eye to the fact that a vote for McCain is a vote for Palin. Her appointment is a slap in the face of every American citizen and if she made her way into office there would be riots in the streets, and I'd be at the head. Sarah Palin is nothing but a joke.



This is our country, our planet, our future. Make the right decision not just for yourself, but for America. On November 4th, you should only have one tough decision to make: whether to go to Olive Garden or Red Lobster for your Obama victory party.



Update: The Daily Kos has posted an exhaustive report on the batshit life and times of Rep. Bachmann.

Black On Black

Fox News

The above article has two points that need to be addressed:

1. Nhe fact that according to Fox News, a black guy going to an African festival and dancing to hip-hop constitutes an endorsement of Barack Obama.

2. Look at Colin Powell gettin' down!



Update: Colin Powell officially endorses Barack Obama. Fox News, you win again.

This Week In Politics

The biggest news is of course the release of the new smash hit: "McCain-Palin Tradition" by Hank Williams, Jr., the least-liked of the line.

Here's the Coffee Shop Cowboy himself performing the song at a Palin rally:



Check the info on the side to get a run down on the lyrics. What's great about Junior as a song writer, is his ability to really nail down the sentiments of the people through poetic and complex language.

"The bankers didn't want to make all those bad loans, Bill Clinton said 'you got to!' Now they wanna bail out; what I'm talking about is a democrat liberal hoodoo! To me and you."

Who could forget that famous speech Clinton gave mandating all bankers to practice deceptive practices and predatory loaning once he was out of office and Bush was in charge that way the Republicans would get all the blame. Genius.

Now certainly having Hank's support far outshines Obama getting support from Stevie Wonder, Alicia Keys, Vampire Weekend, Bruce Springsteen, The Arcade Fire, Beastie Boys, Jack Johnson, Santogold, and every other band that's ever been formed, but whatever happened to good ol' Toby Keith?



Face it McCain, you were better off when you were using Foo Fighters songs without permission (one more thing he's emulating Bush on).


In presidential candidates linked to radicals news, Sarah Palin being investigated my several organizations regarding her former (and current) ties to secessionist group AIP:

Yo.

Now, commenting on Palin's negative associations is somewhat pointless to me given the slew of other reasons she should not be in any political office, but fair is fair. If you're gonna spew lies about Obama's links to former radicals, then we might as well show the truth about your links to current radicals. Plus, The Weather Underground was way cooler than the AIP.


On the economic front, Obama and McCain both outline their most recent policies:

Obama

McCain

Pick your favorite.

And finally, John McCain loses it at the final presidential debate.